MARYSUE Must Die!
by picascribit
Summary: There's a new girl at Hogwarts. She's perfect. She's beautiful. She has curves in all the right places. Everyone loves her. Everyone except Madeleine and Maggie, that is. The story of how not to write HP fanfic. (1975) Warning: chatspeak.
1. Perfectly Pointless Prologue

If it had not been for the passion they shared, Maggie Lewis and Madeleine Yaxley would probably not have been friends. After all, Maggie was only a second year, and in Ravenclaw, to boot. Fourth year Slytherin Madeleine regarded her and her giggly friends as little girls, while she saw herself as a sophisticated young woman. She never gave Maggie a second thought until one spring day toward the end of the school year.

It was a warm and sunny afternoon in early April. The school had emptied for the Easter holiday, but a few students, including Madeleine, had opted to stay at Hogwarts during the break. Madeleine's mother was off touring Morocco with her latest paramour, and Madeleine could not see the sense in packing up all her things just to go home and spend the holiday by herself. So it was that on that fateful afternoon, she was lounging by the lake, her cloak spread out on the grass beneath her, turning the pages of a book.

So engrossed was she in her reading that she might not have noticed the other girl if her shadow had not fallen across the page.

Madeleine looked up, annoyed. "What do _you_ want?"

The auburn-haired girl did not take the hint, but instead flopped down on the grass beside her. "Is that the new Freya Lovelace?" she asked.

A blush stained Madeleine's cheeks, and she quickly turned the book face down. "No."

"It is, isn't it?" Maggie seemed utterly delighted at her discovery. "Can I see it? I don't have that one yet."

Reluctantly, Madeleine handed the book over. The cover showed a woman in a pink shirt and blue jeans, swooning in the embrace of a shirtless, muscular man wearing a tool belt, as they sprawled across the bonnet of an automobile. Madeleine's blush deepened.

Maggie was chattering away happily. "I didn't think anyone else at Hogwarts read these," she said. "I can't believe _you_ do! I mean, they're about Muggles, and you're -" Maggie broke off suddenly, and it was her turn to blush.

"They're just stories," Madeleine said tartly. "It's not like they're _real_ Muggles."

Maggie grinned. "I bet your parents don't feel that way."

"No," Madeleine sighed, resigning herself to conversation. "Mum says that they encourage dangerous and subversive ideas. What about your parents?"

Maggie rolled her eyes. "Mum read one. _Electric Nights_, I think. She said it was silly but probably harmless."

"They're not silly," retorted Madeleine. "She's a really good writer. She's a pure-blood, but it's like she knows all about Muggles."

Maggie nodded. "I heard that she spent a year living as a Muggle, just for research.(1) Do you think it's true?"

Madeleine shrugged. "I don't know. It sounds horrible. Have you read her first series? The 'Sphinx's Riddle' books? There's not a single Muggle in them, and they're brilliant. Those were the first ones I read. I wish she'd get back to writing proper characters again."

"Why do you read these ones, then?" Maggie asked, idly flipping the pages of the book in question.

Madeleine made a face. "I really like her writing style. It's hard to find anyone else who writes half as well."(2)

"Not to mention her love scenes are always really steamy," Maggie teased with a sly grin.

The dark-haired Slytherin gave her a reluctant half-smile. "Yeah, there's that," she admitted. "But they're not very realistic. In my experience, sex is a lot - stickier than it is in her books."

Maggie's eyes went round. "In your experience? Louisa said you'd - but I wasn't sure if it was true."

Madeleine shrugged. "Once or twice," she said carelessly, as if sex were no big deal.

"Who was it with?" Maggie asked breathlessly.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Madeleine was actually smiling by this time. "Are you saying you've never thought about it? I've seen you following that Remus Lupin around, and everyone knows about the love potion fiasco."

Maggie blushed. "I just really like him. He doesn't even know I'm alive, though," she said with a sigh. She turned back to the book in her hands. "Sometimes I wish I was more like the girls in these. They always get the hot guys."

"So why don't you give it a try?" Madeleine asked.

Maggie seemed puzzled. "Give what a try?"

"Write your own. Then you could get whatever hot guy you wanted. And do whatever you wanted with him," she added wickedly.

Maggie looked thoughtfully at the book's shiny cover. "Maybe," she said. "But I'd hardly know what to write. I mean, for - you know - love scenes and stuff."

"Oh, that's no problem!" Madeleine assured her. "I can tell you anything you want to know."

Maggie was still looking slightly skeptical. "You really think you could write a better love scene than Freya Lovelace?"

"Why not?" Madeleine said airily. "I know I could out-write _you_ any day!"

And so a kind of friendship began. Over the weeks of the Easter holiday, the girls shared ideas, stories, and not a few giggles. Warm days would find them down by the lake, reading aloud to one another from the previous night's efforts, and occasionally rolling on the grass in helpless mirth.

All the "what ifs" of their favourite books, which each had long pondered privately, became pages and pages of feverish scrawl upon parchment which well-meaning parents had intended for classroom notes and essays. Under the loving and imaginative guidance of Maggie and Madeleine, relatively minor characters took on lives of their own, and the leading men and women made choices that would have caused even the saucy Miss Lovelace to blush. And of course they wrote new characters, with their own features and mannerisms, to interact with the characters on the page, and made the bold young heroes fall in love with them.(3)

The other students returned and classes resumed, and Madeleine might have chosen to pretend once more that the Ravenclaw girl was beneath her notice, but Maggie would not let her. She pestered her with questions, and slipped notes with new plot ideas to her in the library, until the Slytherin girl gave in. Madeleine was brimming with ideas, and there was no one else with whom she could share them. None of her housemates would ever have understood.

When summer came, the girls exchanged addresses before parting at King's Cross station. They exhausted their owls, sending pages of notes and stories back and forth almost daily, and Maggie spent half of the month of August with Madeleine and her mother while her own parents were away on holiday.

Maggie was convinced that their friendship would last forever, and Madeleine was beginning to learn that there might be more to life than blood purity, Slytherin pride, and boys. Little did they know that something was headed towards Hogwarts which would sunder their newfound bond forever.

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:**

_1. Research is important to the writing of a good story; perhaps even moreso in fanfiction than in original fiction, since you're more likely to hear about it from your readers if you mess something up. People hate seeing glaring inaccuracies in anything to do with the things they love. In the _Harry Potter _fandom there is very little excuse not to check up on facts like how certain spells and character names are spelled. It's good to keep the _Harry Potter Lexicon _and _Wikipedia _open in your browser when you're writing._

_2. Writing style is as important as plot if you want to keep people reading. The better you get at character development and the basics of spelling, grammar, and punctuation, the more positive feedback you are likely to get._

_3. Authorial avatars, or self-insert characters (original characters meant to resemble the author of the story) are, like masturbation, a perfectly normal, healthy part of growing up. They may be a lot of fun for you, and your friends might fly into fits of giggles discussing them, but that does not mean the world at large will like hearing about yours as much as you do._


	2. Marvola

Maggie and Madeleine managed to secure their own compartment aboard the Hogwarts Express on September the first. It was not that their other friends disapproved of their friendship; they just knew what happened when the two girls got together.

"All you two ever talk about is stories and characters and what if so-and-so did such-and-such with what's-her-name," complained Louisa Chambers, Maggie's best friend, when she stopped into the compartment to say hello.

Maggie and Madeleine barely noticed her departure.

"I love your attention to detail," Maggie was saying as she scanned Madeleine's latest effort. "One of the hardest things about writing Muggle characters is coming up with ways for them to do things without magic. I mean, they must have _some_ way of, I don't know, lighting a fire without a wand, right?"

Madeleine shrugged. "Did you get to the love scene yet? That's the good bit."

Maggie's cheeks flamed crimson as she found what the other girl was talking about. For a moment, she read silently, eyes wide, lips parted in breathless wonder.

At last, she looked up. "Is that really what it's like? I mean, have you really done all that stuff?"

Madeleine's smile was enigmatic. "It's possible," was as much as she would admit.

"_Wow_," Maggie breathed softly.

"But you see what I mean, don't you?" Madeleine pressed. "You can't just say 'and then they had sex' and call it a love scene. And you _cannot_, by all that is pure and powerful, say that 'they had adult relations', because that just sounds ridiculous, like they were at a family reunion or something. You've got to describe the body parts and what they're doing."(1)

"Well, I don't know that stuff, do I?" Maggie replied tartly.

Madeleine gave an exasperated sigh. "You know the basic mechanics, don't you? Just add in a few 'hards', 'hots', and 'wets', and try your best to avoid too many technical terms. Yes, can we help you?"

Maggie had been so engrossed in Madeleine's lecture that she had not, until that moment, noticed the girl standing in the compartment door.

She was tall and unbelievably slender, but with curves in all the right places. Her waist-length hair was pitch black, with streaks of purple and silver running through it, and her eyes sparkled a light violet colour, but changed to an enigmatic dark blue(2) when Madeleine addressed her so abruptly. She wore a tight-fitting black top that said "Dark Princess" across it in real diamonds, and showed off her cleavage and her navel piercing perfectly. Her black leather skirt was short, showing off her long, fishnet-clad legs and knee-high black lace-up boots with four-inch heels.(3)

She gave Madeleine a dazzling smile, showing off her perfect teeth and flashing a tongue piercing. "IM mArVoLa!1!11!"(4) she said in an American accent. "I, lyke,(5) just transfurred from CaLi...(6) U no, in AmErIcA?! IM a GoThiC, but the kewl kind, not the kind who warship Satin an sacrafyss babys and stuff!1!1!(7) My father iz ... LoRd VoDeMrOt!1!1(8) But my mother wuz half VeeLa and half eLF!(9) She went 2 AmErIcA B4 I wuz born 2 hide me from my father but she dyed when I wuz littel an I wuz raized by MuGgLeS! I use 2 go 2 magik skool in AmErIcA, but then I fownd out who my father wuz an I just had 2 cum hear an meat him, u no?!1? I just no dat wen he meatz me, hiz hart will melt with luv an he will becum good!1!11!(10) So IM starting 6th year at HoGwArTz this year even tho I can all ready do wandless magik an stufff ..."

"Who's Lord Vodemrot?" Maggie asked, puzzled, but Marvola only ignored her.

Instead, she turned to Madeleine and asked, "a/s/l?"(11)

"15/f/HoGwArTz eXpReSs!1!1!" replied Madeleine. "OMG R u really from CaLi?! I alwayz wanted 2 go ther!11!1! IM MaDeLeInE, but u can call me MaDz!1!"

"Umm ... Maddy?" Maggie said tentatively. "Are you feeling all right?"

Madeleine looked at her with annoyance. "Wut r u doing hear?!" She turned back to Marvola. "She iz only a 3rd year..."

"I didnt even notiss her she iz so littel!1!1!" said Marvola, tossing her shimmering hair in irritation. "Do u want 2 lissen 2 the nu Evanescence CD?! Iv got it on my iPod!11!"(12)

"Shur!1!1"

"Umm ... Maddy?" Maggie tried again. "I thought we were - er - going to do some writing?"

"I HATE DAT MUGGEL CRAP!11!1!" Madeleine stated. "IT IZ TEH SUXXOR SO HARDCORE!11!1!"

Just then, a group of boys walked past their compartment.

"N-E-way," said Marvola, "got 2 go!" And she left, following after the boys.

Madeleine's knees gave out, and she would have fallen if Maggie had not been there to catch her.

"Wha - what happened?" she asked weakly.

"I don't know," Maggie replied. "It was like you were under some sort of spell or something."

"But - why didn't it effect you?" Madeleine wondered.

"I don't know," Maggie repeated, staring after the departed Marvola thoughtfully.

* * *

By the time they reached Hogwarts, Madeleine had almost recovered from the horrific encounter, but Maggie kept an eye out to make sure that neither of them went anywhere near the new girl. Fortunately, it seemed Marvola was to ride across the lake with the first year students, since she herself was new to Hogwarts.

As Maggie steered Madeleine towards the waiting carriages, she saw the gamekeeper, Hagrid, catch sight of the new girl, and immediately try to flatten and tame his wayward hair with his fingers, blushing rosily. Maggie sighed and shook her head.

Once inside the castle, they quickly found seats in the Great Hall. Maggie hoped a bite to eat would have a restorative effect on Madeleine. As had been their custom the previous spring, they found seats at their respective house tables that were almost back-to-back so that they could talk across the aisle.

The Great Hall was always especially noisy for the start of term feast, and Maggie loved the bustle of it. She tried to pick out Remus Lupin's pale face from the crowd, and found him at last, sitting with his friends James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. Remus looked as though he had been growing again over the summer, and Maggie wondered how tall he was now. She also wondered in quick succession if he had met anyone over the holidays, what it would be like to kiss him, whether he would take any more notice of her this year than the previous two, and whether sex was really as messy as Madeleine had said it was. She blushed and turned away.

A hush fell over the Great Hall as the doors swung open and the new students entered, lead by Professor McGonagall, who was carrying a three-legged stool and the Hogwarts Sorting Hat. But the eyes of the other students were not on that venerable chapeau, but on the new girl, Marvola. All the first years were clustered around her, staring up at her with wide, admiring eyes, but she looked straight ahead, smiling confidently, eyes an enchanting shade of lilac. Some of the boys were drooling a little. Maggie wondered how she could tell the exact shade of the girl's eyes from where she was sitting.

Marvola lit up the room like a candle, and seemed to float rather than walk. Her narrow hips swayed invitingly, and all around the room, boys' hands twitched with the longing to give her firm little arse a squeeze. She smiled a little wider, knowing the effect she was having on the room.(13)

Maggie saw her eyes fall upon Remus. Marvola's lips parted to show the tip of her rosy pink tongue, and she swept her lashes down in a wink. Her eyes glowed the purple of bad prose.

_Oh, no,_ thought Maggie. _Please, no._

Remus looked thunderstruck, and every male eye in the room narrowed in undisguised jealousy, including those of his friends, James and Peter. Sirius, however, merely gave him a troubled look.

Marvola continued to stare at Remus as Professor McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on the stool just below the head table. A rip opened in the brim as the Hat began to sing its annual song, but hardly anyone was listening.

_Oh, you may call me Old Hat, and say I'm past my prime,_  
_But I've seen things that you cannot imagine in my time._  
_I've seen the great ones come and go, then come again to teach._  
_I've seen love, and I've seen hate, and I've seen some with each._

_There've been some just like you who've put me on before._  
_I know where students go; they don't surprise me anymore._  
_Yet now I sense someone has come to put me to the test,_  
_And I will have to try and choose the house that suits her best._

_She's smart as any Ravenclaw, as Gryffindor she's brave,_  
_Her loyalty is Hufflepuff's, and Slytherin's might she craves._  
_She's beautiful and powerful and wise beyond her years_  
_And yet her tragic history would have you all in tears._

_I would ask her to put me on, but fear I won't look chic,_  
_And I wouldn't want to muss her hair, all smooth and sleek._  
_I know that everyone must yield to the judgment of my voice,_  
_And so I tell you, here and now, she must make her own choice._(14)

As one, the occupants of the Great Hall gasped at this unusual decree, and then burst into applause, whistling and catcalling and beckoning Marvola to join them.

Professor McGonagall gave them a quelling look, and they quieted at the sound of her voice. "Marvola Arwen Raevyn Yvette Salazara Umekiko Elfynchyld,"(15) she said, looking nonplussed. "The Sorting Hat has given you the unprecedented right to choose your house. Choose well, and choose quickly. Please."

"OMG I chuse ... GrIfYnDoOr!2!1!1!" Marvola's voice rang like silver bells in the Great Hall. "I feel a misterius atttracshun 2 dat howse..." She smiled at Remus again.

Maggie was numb throughout the remainder of the Sorting and the feast that followed. She barely tasted her food. How would she ever get Remus to notice her, now that Marvola had set her sights on him? Maggie did not even have curves in the _wrong_ places yet, let alone in the right ones. She was just a silly little girl, and Marvola was practically a woman, and now she was going to go out with Remus, and probably kiss him and have sex with him.

_No!_ thought Maggie fiercely. _I can't let that happen!_

After the feast, Maggie did not follow the rest of the Ravenclaws back to their tower dormitory, but instead grabbed Madeleine by the arm and pulled her aside.

"We have to stop her," she said without preamble.

Madeleine pursed her lips. "Why? Just because she's got her eye on your bit of boy-crumpet? Forget it. Take my advice and keep as far away from that girl as possible. She's trouble."

But when Maggie saw Remus and his friends leaving the Great Hall with Marvola, she dragged Madeleine along with her to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Not too close!" hissed Madeleine. "You know what happened last time she got near me!"

But Maggie shook her head, whispering back, "I think she has to know you're there for it to work. Remember? She said she didn't notice me when we were on the train, and I stayed completely normal."

They crept up to where the new girl was talking to the four Gryffindor boys.

"I just no dat wen he meatz me, hiz hart will melt with luv an he will becum good!1!11!" she was saying. "So IM starting 6th year at HoGwArTz this year even tho I can all ready do wandless magik an stufff ..."

"_Wow!_" breathed the boys.

"So, lyke, wut r ur namez?!" she asked.

"IM Jamez Potter," said James. "An theez r my frens, Siri Blak, Remi Loopin, and -"

"Itz so kewl 2 meat the 3 uv u!1!1!" she cut him off, shaking hands with the three boys who had been introduced.

They all looked a little startled, and Peter's mouth hung open in bewilderment.(16)

"I'm -" he tried to say, but the girl was already speaking again.

"UR a WaReWuLf, Rnt u?!" she asked, still holding Remus's hand.

"No IM not!" cried Remus, glancing around desperately to see if anyone else was listening. "IM -"

"Yes u r! I no u r!1!" said Marvola. "IM part VeeLa an part eLf, so I will no my mate as soon as I find him!1!1! UR my mate!11! So I n warewulf an becuz my mate iz a warewulf I cant b turned in2 a warewulf so itz ok if u want 2 bite me!11!11!"(17) she said coyly. "Also, IM a animugs an my form is a pink an purple UnIcOrN!1!1!2! So I can go out with u at full mooonz!11!1!"(18)

"I didn't think people could turn into _magical_ creatures," Peter said quietly.

"O, Jamez, dont b sillly!4!" Marvola said with a sparkling laugh and a toss of her shimmering hair. "It iz bcuz IM part VeeLa dat I can turn in2 a UnIcOrN!11!11!"

"You don't think any of that's true, do you?" Maggie whispered. "About Remus being a werewolf?"

"No." Madeleine's lip curled scornfully. "She talks a lot of shite. Just listen to her!"

"O.o!11!1!" Marvola was saying now. "I hav a song 2 play 4 u, Remi!1!4567! I jus no it iz gonna b r song!1!1! Itz called 'mi imortal' by evanesense!111!1! U r gonna luv it!1!1!"

She took out a small, black rectangle, and began to fiddle with it. Her graceful brow furrowed, and she fiddled a bit more. "DAMMIT1111!1!1! WTF IZ RONG WITH MY IPOD?!1?!6!?"(19)

"What's an eye-pod?" whispered Madeleine.

"I don't know," said Maggie. "I think it might be some sort of Muggle music device, in which case she'll never get it to work here. One of the Muggle-born girls in my dorm tried to bring something called an 'eight-track' with her, but she never could get it to work at school. That thing looks a lot smaller."

The group of Gryffindors was moving away from Maggie and Madeleine's hiding place.

"IM soooooo happpy I met u 3!7!4!1!" Marvola said again, taking Remus's hand in hers. They disappeared up the stairs, Peter trailing despondently behind the others.

"Oh, that is _not_ on!" Madeleine declared heatedly. "How can she just ignore him like that? We have to stop her."

Maggie shook off the image of Marvola's fingers entwined with Remus's. "For ignoring Peter?" she said. "You changed your mind because of - oh!" She looked at Madeleine with new understanding. "Peter Pettigrew? Really?"

A rare blush rose to Madeleine's cheeks. "It was - just the one time. So far."

"But why do you care about that girl ignoring him? You told me there were lots of guys who -"

"Peter's different," Madeleine cut her off tersely. "He's the only one who didn't act like he was better than me, after. You're right; she has to die."

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:**

_1. Madeleine is absolutely right here. If you are too embarrassed to write about sex, or you're just not sure how to do so, then leave that part out of your story, or imply it without saying it directly. A good sex scene requires a surprising amount of knowledge and detailed description. There is very little in fanfiction that is funnier than badly-written sex, and you don't want your characters' romantic and/or tragic love story to be laughed at, do you?_

_2. Mood eyes have been done, and done again. Even mood hair is old hat at this point._

_3. This much physical description is never necessary when one is introducing a new character. Your readers honestly do not care how hip you (or your character) are to the latest trends. If she's pure-blood and has lots of magical skill, she probably doesn't follow Muggle fashions. When your character is on her way to Hogwarts, the best thing to do is put her in Hogwarts robes and be done with it._

_4. Overuse of punctuation is hard on your readers' eyes, as well as their patience. One exclamation point (!) serves exactly the same purpose as a dozen. It is sometimes acceptable to use a question mark and exclamation point in conjunction (?!), but in such cases, one of each will do. An ellipsis (...) consists of three dots in the middle of a sentence and four dots at the end of one. Also, AlTeRnAtInG cApItAliSaTiOn is really hard to read. No one wants to see this in a story._

_5. Now is probably a good time to mention spellcheck and beta readers. If you don't have one, get one. And that's one of each. Using spellcheck first is a courtesy to your beta reader, and using a beta reader is a courtesy to your audience. There are plenty of good ones out there._

_6. _Harry Potter _fanfiction is flooded with American transfer students to Hogwarts. Don't use the excuse that you don't know anything about British culture; it's not really that different from American culture. They don't live in huts and eat poo, and they've had goth and punk since before you were born. When writing a story set in Britain, learn to use words such as "arse", "mum", and "bloody" fluently. Watching British TV shows is a lot of fun, and can help you learn vocabulary._

_7. Using stereotypes is a kind of prejudice. Goths (a "goth" is a person and "gothic" is a word which describes that person) are generally pretty laid back, friendly people, but if you start implying that they are violent, cruel, or sexually deviant (moreso than the population in general, that is), they won't be very friendly towards _you_._

_8. The "secret daughter of Lord Voldemort" plotline has been done to death. Not to say it cannot be done interestingly and well, but it usually isn't._

_9. It is almost never a good idea to make your character anything other than human, unless there is a very good plot reason for it. And I don't just mean genetically human, either. Your readers are more likely to identify with a character who is flawed in very human ways. That's why we love characters like Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood so much._

_10. Lord Voldemort's heart is not going to be melted by love, kisses, and kittens. He is evil. Destroying or incapacitating him are the only viable options._

_11. I've never actually seen anyone use "a/s/l" in fanfiction before, but I have seen a lot of chat and text-speak. While these abbreviations may be really handy to save time, money, and valuable text message space when communicating with your friends, they have no place in a work of fiction. The words "you", "are", and "to/too/two", among other, should always be spelled out._

_12. Be careful to avoid major anachronisms (objects, ideas, and slang that do not belong to the time you are writing about). If you are setting your story in the Marauders' era at Hogwarts (1971-1978), the characters will not own iPods, nor will they be familiar with your new favourite band. Having an iPod in your story is a really lame reason for a time travel subplot. If you're not sure when something was invented, _Wikipedia _should be able to tell you._

_13. For a character to be instantly either loved or hated by all is not good character development. In the real world, we earn people's love or hatred through our words and actions. Fiction that reflects real life in these aspects is almost always better than fiction that does not. A character may be instantly desired by someone, but to be instantly desired by all is fairly unrealistic, given the broad range of traits which different people find attractive._

_14. In a thousand years, no student has ever come along who could not be placed in a House by the Sorting Hat. Sometimes the Hat encounters people who have traits of more than one House, such as Hermione, with her Ravenclaw intelligence, or Sirius, with his Hufflepuff loyalty, but the Hat still manages to choose, and sometimes mixes things up to keep them interesting._

_15. Names like this may sound really cool to you, but for the majority of readers, they will set of their MarySue sensor. Randomly assigning your characters Oriental-sounding names when they are not of Oriental background, just because you are into anime, always looks silly, and can even be considered offensive (cultural appropriation). J. K. Rowling has set a good example by using names which are either ordinary (Harry, Ron, James, Lily, Peter) or legendary/classical (Minerva, Remus, Sirius, Albus). Try to stick to no more than two or three names per character._

_16. If you're writing a Marauders story, then write _all _the Marauders. Don't leave out Peter. I know he is a coward and did some very horrible things as an adult and was ugly in the movies, but there is no reason to write teenage-Peter as anything other than a friend to James, Sirius, and Remus. Peter's betrayal of his friends would not be nearly as shocking if he had not been a true friend to them at one time. They trusted him enough to make him their Secret-Keeper. There has to be a reason for that._

_17. The veela-lifemate plotline has been done a million and one times, most of them badly. It may have been original at one time, but don't expect readers to be excited about yours._

_18. If you're going to make your character an Animagus, do it for a good reason, not just so she can hang out with the Marauders. It is a spell that takes a great deal of study and dedication, and no one enters into it lightly. If it were easy, lots of people would do it._

_19. Electronic devices _do not work _at Hogwarts. Dumbledore is not going to make an exception for your character's iPod._


	3. Glamour

_Meet me in the library after supper,_ the note read, and so Maggie did. Madeleine was waiting for her in the large, near-empty room.

"What's the plan?" whispered Maggie.

Madeleine thumped a pile of dusty books down in front of her. "Research," she said succinctly.

"How do we know what we're looking for?" Maggie asked with a sneeze.

"We don't," replied Madeleine. "So we start by brainstorming, just like we do when we're writing."(1)

"All right." Maggie took out a blank piece of parchment, and wrote, "Marvola" across the top. "What was her full name, again?"

Madeleine groaned. "Marvola Arwen Raevyn Yvette Salazara Umekiko Elfynchyld. She tells it to everyone she meets."

Maggie wrote, "M.A.R.Y.S.U.E.", and underneath it, "The Vole",(2) as they had taken to calling Marvola over the intervening days. "All right, what do we know about her?"

Given the new girl's habit of explaining her life-story to everyone she met in rather startling detail, they knew quite a lot about her background.(3) How much of what they knew would be useful in dealing with her was yet to be discovered.

"Well, we know she's You-Know-Who's daughter, for one thing. At least, she says she is. She can't seem to pronounce his name right, though."

Maggie nodded and carefully wrote, "Father: LV" on the parchment. She shivered, as she always did when she thought about the great Dark wizard. "So that must mean she's pure-blood, at least on her father's side, right?"

"I guess so," replied Madeleine. "But what about her mother's side? Half veela and half elf, she says, but I never saw a house-elf that looked anything like her!"(4)

Maggie giggled at that, writing down, "Mother: Veela/Elf". "Maybe you can use that pairing in your next love scene."

Madeleine made a face. "There is no way to make those ugly little beasts sexy."

"Maybe there are other kinds of elves in America." Maggie wrote down, "elf breeds?" and as an afterthought, she added, "raised in America".

"We also know her mother is dead," pointed out Madeleine, clearly enjoying the thought somewhat more than Maggie felt was decent. "So she's not immortal."

"You didn't really mean what you said before, did you?" Maggie asked tentatively. "About killing her, I mean."

"I only meant I'd do whatever it took to deal with her. Whatever is necessary." But she would not meet Maggie's eyes.

"Okay," said Maggie doubtfully. She turned back to the parchment in front of her. "We know she has some sort of special power that makes people act weird when they're around her."(5)

"But only when she knows they're there," Madeleine reminded her. "Like you said."

Maggie nodded and wrote, "projects unconscious (?) magical field".

"I wonder what her range is?" Madeleine pondered, running her finger down the spine of an age-darkened book.

"It can't be far. You recovered as soon as she left the train compartment."

"Hmmm... Yes. But maybe that was because she got distracted by those boys," she suggested. "She wasn't focussed on me anymore, so her power had no hold."

"The first thing we need to figure out," said Maggie, "is how to avoid falling under her spell. It's not a problem for me, so far, but if we're going to be able to do something about her, you need to be able to get close enough without being affected by her."

"All right," replied Madeleine with a nod. "Protection spells and shield charms all around."

Maggie tapped the books thoughtfully. "It shouldn't be too hard to find an all-purpose protective charm." She wrote, "SHIELD CHARM" in capital letters, then set the parchment aside and reached for a book.

* * *

They were able to test their chosen shield charm the following afternoon. It was warm for September, and many of the students were down by the lake, enjoying the still-fine weather.

"Okay," murmured Maggie. "There she is. Let's do this."

She raised her wand and pointed it at Madeleine. "_Protegissimo_,"(6) she muttered.

"Right," said Madeleine. "Let's find out how long that lasts."

The two girls strolled as casually as they could manage past where Marvola was sprawled across Remus, sitting in the sunshine with their fellow Gryffindors. Maggie bit her lip and stopped to retie her trainers, while Madeleine stared innocently up into the sky, as if looking for a change in the weather. They waited for the Gryffindors to notice them.

It was Peter who saw them first. "Maddy!" he called, smiling a little uncertainly. He looked utterly dejected and forlorn, sitting a few feet away from his friends, who all had their backs to him.

Madeleine gave him a small smile. "Hullo, Peter," she said.

Marvola turned at the sound of her voice, resting her head on Remus's thigh. Here it comes, thought Maggie.

"OMG MadZ!1!" she said, jumping up. "Cum sit with us!1!1! U no the Maudererz?!1?!"

"Slightly," Madeleine admitted, and Maggie let out a sigh of relief. The charm was working.

The boys were not fond of Slytherins as a rule, Peter's example notwithstanding. Madeleine hesitated before taking a seat near the group. Maggie joined her.

"OMG!1!1!" cried Sirius. "She cant sit with us!1!1!1! She iz a SiLtHeRiAn!11!1! I hate thoz guyz!1!1"

"OMG!1!" Marvola replied. "U hate her?! But she iz my BFF bsidez LilZ!11! U and her shud totallly get 2gether!1111! U r both reely HAWT!1! (LOLz she iz not a lezbo or n-e-thing MadZ iz just totallly SEXXXAY!1!) U wood hav aMaZiNg HAWT SEXXX!1!111!"(7)

"U reely think so?!" asked Lily Evans, a pretty, red-haired girl, who was currently wrapped up in James.

Marvola nodded. "Totallly!11! Siri doznt hav a gf or n-e-thing, doz he?! Iv got my Remi, and U R with Jamez!1! Siri needz 2 b with sum1!1!"(8)

"I'm sort of seeing someone," said Madeleine. She glanced briefly at Peter, and quickly looked away. Then an evil grin blossomed on her face. "Maybe you could set Sirius up with Maggie, here."

"Who?!" said Marvola, looking around. Her eyes briefly lit on Maggie. "O... whatev..." She quickly turned back to Madeleine. "U R seeing sum1?! If hez not az HAWT as Siri, u shud totally dump hiz ass!111!1!"

Madeleine was quickly losing patience. "Have you ever thought that maybe there's more to consider than just whether or not someone is hot?" she asked tartly.

"LOLz shur!1!" Marvola laughed. "They coud b, lyke, in a band or sumthing!1!1! OMFG!1!" She turned back to the three Marauders she could see. "U 3 shud totallly start a band!1! U coud call urselvz the Mauderers an LilZ an MadZ an me coud b, lyke, the Mauderettes1!151! That wood b TEH ROXXXOR!11!1!"

"ToTaLlLy!11!" said Lily and Madeleine in unison.

Maggie looked at her friend and noted that her eyes seemed to have slipped out of focus. _I guess we know how long the shield charm lasts now,_ she thought before leaping to her feet.

"We have to go," she said, smiling as politely as she could manage, and grabbing Madeleine's arm. "We'll see you guys later." She looked regretfully at Remus for a moment, before turning away.

Maggie manhandled Madeleine back up towards the castle. When they were about twenty feet from the Gryffindors, Madeleine stopped struggling and slumped against her.

"Are you all right?" asked Maggie.

"I think so," replied the other girl. "How long did it work? Were you paying attention?"

Maggie nodded. "About five minutes, I think."

Madeleine pursed her lips. "That's not going to be nearly long enough," she decided. "And I bet if you use the shield charm all the time, you start becoming resistant to it, just like anything else."

"Too bad exposure to her doesn't seem to have the same effect," Maggie said bitterly. "Do you think they've had sex yet?"

"I don't know," Madeleine replied impatiently. "Probably. She doesn't look like the sort who could keep her kit on for five minutes, if she was alone with someone she fancied."(9)

When she caught sight of her friend's crestfallen expression, though, she relented. "Don't worry about it," she told the young Ravenclaw. "It's not like he can only do it once. Once we get rid of her, you'll still have a chance."

"As much chance as I ever did, which is none." Maggie sighed. "Oh, well. Back to the library."

* * *

Madeleine set down the book she had been reading with a thud and an exasperated sigh. "None of this stuff is any bloody use!" she declared. "You know what we need? They sell these protection amulets in Knockturn Alley. I think they're made out of human -"

"You've actually _been_ there?!" Maggie looked horrified. "But that place is really dodgy. I heard that all they sell is stuff for doing Dark magic."

Madeleine rolled her eyes. "Stories!" she said in disgust. "They sell all kinds of useful stuff. Like protection amulets. You could give one to Remus," she suggested.

Maggie looked tempted. "Maybe," she said. "If we can't find anything else that works."

"We haven't yet," replied Madeleine. "We've been at this all afternoon, and what do we know?"

"More than when we started," Maggie said defensively.

Madeleine rolled her eyes again. "None of it any bloody use."

"Well, let's go over it again, anyway," Maggie suggested. "Maybe it will help us think of something."

Madeleine picked up their notes and began to read. "We know that veela have a powerful magical influence over the opposite sex, often causing them to act in ways they never would, normally."

Maggie nodded. "And then there was that bit about the elves. What kind of elf did we decide she was again?"

"Tolkienian," Madeleine said. "They're supposed to be really good-looking, and live a really long time, as well as being attuned to the earth." She sighed. "The veela part could maybe explain her powers, but the book didn't say anything about their 'influence' making people talk funny."

"Maybe it's like potions," Maggie suggested. "Two ingredients might be harmless on their own, but volatile when combined." She jumped up and ducked around the shelves.

Madeleine could hear her voice, slightly muffled, saying, "I thought I saw it over here the other day -"

At last she reappeared, slightly dusty but triumphant, with a large tome clasped to her chest. She dropped it in front of Madeleine with a thud.

"_Mixed Blood: A Guide to Magical Crossbreeds_," Madeleine read off the spine. Raising her eyebrows, she opened the book and quickly found the "beings" sections.

"I think they're listed alphabetically," Maggie said. "Veela would be near the end."

The section on veela was long, and the print was very small. The book methodically listed the appearance and magical traits of every kind of being when crossed with a veela.

"Oh, here we go!" cried Madeleine. "'_When crossed with the Tolkienian elf, the veela's powers are enhanced, creating a powerful glamour field, and even the normally diluting influence of human blood cannot change this outcome. The veela-elf crossbreed is therefore considered to be highly dangerous to humans, Muggle and Wizard alike. The influence of such a creature can cause aberrations in behaviour patterns, including modes of speech. Such beings should be avoided at all cost, since there is no known protection against them. As with any combination of human, veela, elf, or vampire blood, these crossbreeds are classified as "seaux"._'"

"So total isolation is the only solution?" said Maggie despairingly. "How are we going to manage that?"

"We can't." Madeleine's smile sent a shiver up Maggie's spine. "It's self-defence. We _have_ to kill her."

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:**

_1. Brainstorming is a really good way to come up with ideas and make connections between them, and not only for fanfiction, as Madeleine points out. Brainstorming with a writing buddy can be a lot of fun, and often spawns additional plot bunnies. Carrying a small notebook with you to jot down ideas as they occur to you can be helpful as well._

_2. Fun Fact: In some circles, _ _is referred to as "the Pit of Voles" because of the huge amount of badfic posted there._

_3. Revealing facts about a character's background, personality, and appearance is called "exposition", and there are good and bad ways of doing it. Good exposition tends to involve mentioning these things when they become relevant to the story, or finding a way bring them up naturally in the dialogue. These facts should not be presented in a lump (infodump) the first time we see the character, just as you do not learn everything about someone the first time you meet them._

_4. Elves are different in the Potterverse than in Middle Earth. If you say your character is "part elf", your reader is going to have a good giggle over an imagined resemblance to Dobby, when maybe you had something more like Orlando Bloom in mind._

_5. Making characters act in a way they do not act in the books is referred to as "out of character" (OOC). We all love the Potterverse characters for a reason, so it's a good idea to at least try to have them think and act similarly to the way they do in the books._

_6. J. K. Rowling writes her spells in a sort of pseudo-Latin, and it can be a good idea to keep this in mind when writing your own, unless there is a good plot reason for doing otherwise. Chances are, you don't know much Latin, but you can get a good idea of how it ought to sound by looking at the spells in the books. There may already be a spell for what you want to do, so be sure to check the _Harry Potter Lexicon _first._

_7. As almost anyone over the age of eighteen will be able to tell you, physical attraction is not a great basis for a relationship. Nor does hatred tend to turn into hot sex, followed by true love, in real life. Writing steamy sex between two characters can take a small amount of skill, but writing a believable love story is harder than you might think. Happy endings are rare, and true love takes hard work and compromise, even after the hot, steamy sex._

_8. Contrary to popular belief, not every character in a story needs to be paired off._

_9. Maggie is being fairly judgmental here. Slut-shaming (implying or calling someone slutty or a slut) is never a nice thing to do, and it doesn't make you look very good either. There is nothing wrong with someone dating or kissing more than one person in a short time, and whether someone chooses to have sex or not is never anyone's business but theirs. Try to avoid slut-shaming in real life and in your stories._


	4. The DTUC

Headmaster Dumbledore raised his eyes from the heavy, leatherbound tome on his desk, and looked gravely at Maggie.

"Do you see what I mean, Headmaster?" Maggie asked nervously. She had never been to see Dumbledore privately in his office, nor had he given her more than a passing word of greeting in her first two years at Hogwarts. It had taken all the nerve she had to go to Professor Flitwick, the head of Ravenclaw house, and ask if he could arrange for her to speak with the Headmaster. But she felt she must, before things got any more out of control.

Dumbledore glanced down at the open page before him again, then closed the book with a sigh. "I do see, Miss Lewis," he said. "Though I must confess, I have never made a study of seaux. We've never had one at Hogwarts before. Perhaps I was foolish in allowing myself to remain ignorant on the subject. Do you believe that Miss Elfynchyld might pose a danger to the other students?"

Maggie twisted her fingers together in her lap. "I don't know about 'danger', Sir, but being around her seems to change people. And not for the better. I'm really worried about Maddy. And - and Remus. The other Gryffindors, I mean. She spends a lot of time with them. It says - in the book - about a powerful influence -" Maggie broke off, unsure how to make Dumbledore understand her concerns without getting Madeleine or Remus into trouble.

The Headmaster shook his head. "Influence can be dangerous. Especially influence as powerful as you have described. That she seems completely unaware of the power she wields -" He sighed again. "I had hoped to give Miss Elfynchyld a fair and equal opportunity to make a place for herself at Hogwarts. It is not the first time I have made such an allowance for a student others might consider dangerous. But I do have the safety of the rest of the student body and the staff to consider as well."

"Is there anything I can do to help, Sir?" Maggie asked timidly.

Dumbledore considered for a moment. "Keep a close eye on your friends. If a potentially dangerous situation arises, I believe you are proficient in enough defensive magic to forestall a mishap until help arrives?"

Maggie nodded, gripping her wand through the fabric of her robes. Disarming and stunning were no problem, and would give her the time she needed to summon a teacher.

"You mentioned being particularly worried about your friend Miss Yaxley," Dumbledore continued. "She is not one of Miss Elfynchyld's inner circle, as far as I am aware. Do you have some reason to believe she might be in particular danger?"

"No," Maggie said quickly. It was not precisely a lie. _It's Marvola who's in danger from her._ But she could not tell the Headmaster that without getting her friend into trouble. _Maddy wouldn't really hurt her,_ she tried to tell herself. But if she could not convince herself of that, how could she convince Dumbledore?

The Headmaster pursed his lips, and Maggie looked away, unable to meet those shrewd blue eyes. At last he spoke.

"There is only one thing I can do, should the situation become critical," he warned her. "I do not like to do it, since it means bringing the Ministry of Magic into Hogwarts affairs. That is a circumstance I prefer to avoid. However, your observations and those of a few of the staff seem to back up the information in this book, in that the only course for dealing with a seau is complete isolation. I cannot manage that here at Hogwarts, but I have contacts at the Ministry who can. I shall keep my eye on Miss Elfynchyld, but I cannot be everywhere at once, so I must ask you to do the same. If a situation arises which is beyond your abilities to defuse, send word to me immediately, and I shall take whatever steps seem necessary."

Maggie attempted a quavering smile. "I will. Thank you, Sir."

* * *

If she had not happened to glance out a window into the grounds as she was returning to Ravenclaw tower after her meeting with Dumbledore, things might have turned out very differently. As it was, she did look, and as she looked, she saw two figures strolling across the Hogwarts grounds towards the Forbidden Forest, dark heads bent together in conversation.

The pair looked innocent enough, but Maggie experienced a terrible sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach when she saw them. Her arm shot out to grasp the sleeve of a passing student.

"Go to Dumbledore," she commanded with unusual authority. "Tell him to contact his people right away, and tell them to come to the Forbidden Forest. Do it now."

Peter Pettigrew's brow furrowed as he puzzled at the hand gripping his sleeve, then he raised his head and peered interestedly over her shoulder. "Where's Maddy going with Marvola?" he asked.

"That's what I'm going to find out," she said tersely. "Find Dumbledore. _Now._" She turned and fled down the corridor.

* * *

Maggie reached the edge of the Forbidden Forest at a dead run, panting and clutching at a stitch in her side. She was desperately worried that she would not find Madeleine and Marvola in time, but luck was with her.

Not far beyond the Whomping Willow, Marvola lay panting in a clearing, muttering "omgomgomgomgomg," over and over again. Madeleine stood over her, wand in hand and a look of grim satisfaction on her face.

"What are you doing, Maddy?" Maggie asked warily. Her hand inched covertly toward her own wand pocket.

"Maggie!" Madeleine greeted her in a tone like sweet poison. "How perfectly lovely of you to join us. Not that I need an audience, but it's always nice to have one, isn't it? How would you like to be able to see Thestrals?"

"OMG!11!" squealed the seau, catching sight of Maggie. "MAAKE HER STOOOOOOOOOOP!1!56!"

"Shut it, you!" shouted Madeleine. "_Crucio!_"

Marvola's scream seemed to go on and on, tearing at the air and at Maggie's ears. She was sure she could feel it echoing in her bones as the girl writhed in agony on the ground. Madeleine was laughing.

Maggie whipped out her wand and pointed it at her friend. "_Expelliarmus!_" she cried.

The wand went flying, but Madeleine Yaxley had reflexes like lightning, and she managed to grab for it before it was out of reach.

"What are you playing at?!" she yelled. "You hate this bitch as much as I do!"

"What am _I_ playing at?" said Maggie in disbelief. "Maddy, that was a bloody _Unforgivable Curse_ you just did! Do you _want_ to go to Azkaban?!"

Madeleine laughed again. "Unforgivable Curses only count if you use them against _humans_, Miss Magpie, and you know it. That _thing_ isn't human."

"It's still wrong, whatever she is." Maggie tried to sound commanding, but her voice quavered, and she was very afraid she might start crying. "You know the shield charm wears off after a few minutes. Then she'll get away and tell everyone what you've done."

Madeleine gave a nasty smile and tapped at something white strung on a cord about her neck. "I've got all the protection I need."

Maggie swallowed. The amulet looked disconcertingly like the finger bones of a child. _She's gone too far,_ she realised. _I'll never be able to reason with her now. I've lost her._

The crunch of hasty footsteps on the first leaves of autumn made both girls turn their heads. Peter Pettigrew appeared at the edge of the clearing, looking uncertain.

"Maggie? I told Dumbledore what you said." Then, "Maddy, what are you doing to Marv?"

"Never you mind, Peter-my-love," she purred, the tip of her tongue flicking past her lips. "I'm just performing a little pest control. Be a good boy and trot back up to the school. You ought to thank me. By tonight there'll be one less Gryffindor to look down on you. If she ever looked at you at all."

Madeleine turned back toward where she had left the seau lying. "_Shit!_ Where's she gone?"

The three looked around nervously. Even Peter had his wand out by now. Marvola was nowhere in sight.

A laugh like the peal of silver bells made them all glance up. The seau was standing on a stout tree limb, high above their heads.

She raised her hands and shouted, "_Forcefieldius!_" Purple lightning bolts shot from the palms of her hands, and the three students suddenly found themselves trapped inside a giant bubble of shimmering, purple light.

"What kind of spell was _that_?!" squeaked Maggie.

"It's seau-magic," Peter informed her. "For some reason, even though they could if they wanted to, seaux refuse to use proper Wizarding spell forms."(1)

Madeleine stared at him in disbelief. "And you know that how, exactly?"

"What? You guys are the only ones who can do research?" Peter grinned at the two girls, and Maggie realised what a charming smile he had, when he had the confidence to back it up.

Marvola had by now levitated herself back to the ground, and stood, arms folded and eyes narrowed, staring at her captives.

At last, she spoke. "MaDz, I thot we wer bffs!1!4! U hav btreyd me soooooo bad!1! Y wud U want 2 hang out with ugle, stoopid, boaring trayters wen U cud hang out with me?! U R not az kewl az I thot U were!1!1! U R going 2 hav 2 werk Xtra hard 2 win back my frendship!1!1!"

"Who is she calling 'traitors'?" Maggie wondered.

Peter shrugged. "I dunno. She calls me that every time I manage to make her see me.(2) But watch this."

He casually turned away and began to move ever-so-slowly toward the wall of the purple bubble. All of Marvola's attention was focussed on Madeleine, and the instant Peter passed out of her field of vision, he was able to duck through the sparkling forcefield. He circled around behind the seau.

"Go back up to the castle, Peter," Madeleine hissed between clenched teeth. "She's too powerful for you to deal with alone."

"Who iz Peeter?!" asked Marvola.

Peter leaned to whisper in her ear. "I am."

The seau whirled around to face him. It seemed she had no trouble seeing him when he was pointing his wand directly at her face.

"AN WHO TEH H-E-Duble-Hokey-Stix R U?!" she sneered.

Peter's grin turned nasty. "My name is Peter Pettigrew," he spat back at her. "And I am a _fucking Marauder! Suethorius!_"(3)

The seau screeched as white light engulfed her, and the two girls shielded their eyes. When their vision cleared, the forcefield which had contained them was gone, and as for Marvola -

"Why," exclaimed Maggie, "she looks perfectly ordinary!"

The girl who stared back at them in terror, hands pressed over her mouth, was a little shorter and a little younger than Madeleine. She had lank, brown hair in a messy ponytail, and gray-blue eyes. Her face sported a number of spots, and her figure was not quite as slim as it had been.

Madeleine laughed. "She's got smaller tits than _you_, Maggie!"

"And she's not nearly as pretty as either of you ladies," said Peter, giving Maggie a wink.

The seau lowered her hands, revealing teeth bound with metal wires, and whimpered, "wut r u going 2 do with me now r u going 2 kill me i promiss i willl go home if u let me go an dont hurt me i never ment 2 hurt ne1 i just wanted remi 2 luv me an every1 2 think i waz kewl"(4)

"What is she babbling about?" sneered Madeleine. "I can hardly understand her."

Maggie turned to Peter in awe. "Where did you get that spell?" she asked. "I thought there was no known protection against a seau."

The tips of Peter's ears and nose turned pink. "Your book must've been out of date," he demurred.

"That was really, really stupid, Peter," Madeleine said angrily, not taking her eyes or wand off the seau. "You could have been killed. Don't you know these things are dangerous?"

Peter's face fell.

"It's all right, Peter," Maggie said, reassuringly patting his arm. "Maddy was just scared because she really likes -"

"To deal with things myself!" Madeleine cut her off sharply. "I knew you would bollox up my plan. Which you did. And you, Miss Ravenclaw, can just keep your mouth shut about things that aren't your concern!"

"What happens now?" Peter asked nervously.

"Now," Madeleine said firmly, "we kill her."

"nonononononono" cried Marvola, throwing her arms up to shield herself. "plees dont let her kill me just let me go home an i promiss ill leev u alll alone an neva cum back 2 hogwartz agin i just want 2 go home 2 cali an see my frends agin i promiss ill never do ne magick an ill leev remi alone 4eva an eva an ill neva say u r not kewl agin pleespleespleespleespleespleespleespleespleesplees dont kill me"

Maggie ground her teeth at the mention of Remus. "You had sex with him," she accused. "You treated him like some kind of chocolate frog card for your collection, and the fact that he was a virgin was of no more consequence to you than the chocolate frog once you'd had it!" She willed herself not to cry.

Marvola looked surprised. "u thin slut" she asked in disbelief. "cuz i m not i neva had sexxx with remi i just lyke 2 get teh boyz alll hot 4 me then tell them no bcuz i hav relly good moralls but i wuz totallly going 2 hav sexx with remi sumday bcuz i think hiz quidich honed mussels r relly hawt"(5)

Peter looked puzzled. "Quidditch-honed muscles?" he said. "Remus doesn't even play Quidditch."

Maggie barely heard him. "Good morals?!" she cried in disbelief. "You're mean to people you don't think are cool enough to be worthy of your notice. You just admitted you intentionally give guys blue balls. Explain to me exactly how these qualify as 'good morals'. You're a bitch and a tease, Marvola. Nobody likes that. And nobody likes _you_."(6)

At that, the seau collapsed into a sobbing heap on the ground at their feet.

"_Now_ can we kill her?" Madeleine enquired impatiently.

Maggie sighed. With Marvola's collapse, all the anger had gone out of her. She wanted this to be done with, but the seau looked so pathetic that Maggie almost felt sorry for her. "You can't kill her, Maddy."

"And why not?" Madeleine was still glaring at Marvola's whimpering form.

Maggie straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath. "Because I won't let you."

At last Madeleine's eyes turned toward her friend. "You won't _let_ me?! And how, pray tell, do you intend to stop me?"

Maggie's hands curled into fists. She would not back down. "I'll - I'll tell Dumbledore. And the Ministry," she said with more conviction than she felt. "You'll be put on trial for sure. She may not be human, but she's still a being. And my dad works at the Ministry. He helps make new laws and stuff. I'll tell him everything, and I'll get him to make a new law that sends people to Azkaban for life if they kill a being!"

Madeleine stared at her. "You wouldn't."

Maggie folded her arms across her chest and stared right back. "You have no idea what I would or wouldn't do, Madeleine Yaxley."

"This is silly," Peter said, and there was pleading in his voice. "Maddy, Maggie's right; killing Marvola would be a really, really bad idea."

"Fine," said Madeleine with an exasperated sigh. "We don't kill her." And then her sly grin reappeared. "We deliver her to her 'father' and watch while _he_ sorts her out. That ought to be fun."

Maggie shuddered. Any mention of Lord Voldemort always sent a chill down her spine. "Don't even joke about that, Maddy."

"Well, what do _you_ suggest we do?" Madeleine sneered sarcastically. "Give her our best wishes and a bag of Fizzing Whizbees, and send her merrily on her way? Not bloody likely!"

"We wait," Maggie said. "Help is on the way, and she's no threat to us now."

"Until her magic returns," Peter muttered under his breath.

"Until - _what_?!" Madeleine cried. "Oh, that's just _brilliant_, Peter! Are you telling us that this spell isn't permanent?"

Peter looked at her like she was insane. "Of course it's not permanent. You think I have that kind of power? That I could just - strip someone of their magic with a word?"(7)

"How long does it last?" Maggie asked warily.

"I dunno." Peter's voice was uncertain. "This is the first time I've used it."

"Well, what did the book say that you got it from?" asked Madeleine, exasperated.

"I - er - didn't get it from a book." Peter blushed furiously.

"Then where -?" began Maggie.

"Why don't you tell them, son?" inquired a voice at the edge of the clearing.

The three teenagers jumped in surprise and spun around, wands at the ready.

A man was watching them. He had a long face that looked as though it was never surprised by anything anymore. The collar of his light brown robes was turned up, and he wore a brown fedora tilted forward over shrewd, dark eyes which seemed to be weighing and evaluating each of them in turn. Between the fingers of one hand, he casually held a Muggle cigarette. The other hand was in his pocket, but they could see that it gripped a wand.

Peter took a step back. "Who -?" he began, then changed his mind. "Tell them wha-what? Sir?"

"You might as well," the man said, not unkindly. "Chances are, they've already figured it out." He came closer and crouched down to inspect the fallen seau briefly.

The girls both looked curiously at Peter. He blushed again and looked down at his toes.

"I made the spell up myself," he mumbled.

Madeleine's eyebrows shot up and Maggie gasped, but the stranger only nodded.

"That was a swell piece of magic, kid. It's no easy thing to break a seau's glamour, even for a moment. What's your name, son?"

Peter glanced up shyly. "Peter. Peter Pettigrew, Sir."

"Have you given any thought to a career with the Ministry, Pettigrew?" the man asked. "We could use a man of your talents."

Stunned by the unaccustomed praise, Peter stammered, "I - no! That is - Sir - I mean - thank you!"

The man's smile was somehow more in his eyes than in his mouth, and was only visible for the briefest instant.

Madeleine glared at him. "Who the hell are you?" she demanded.

The man reached up to touch the brim of his hat. "Special Agent Sam Humphries, D.T.U.C., at your service, Green-Eyes." He turned back to Peter. "I'm 'Boggart' to my friends. Here's my card."

Peter took the small trapezoid of parchment from him, and read, "Department for the Termination of Useless Characters?" He looked back up at Special Agent Humphries. "What do you do? And why do they call you 'Boggart'?"

The smile flashed again briefly. "Because they say I can scare anyone," he said, ignoring the first question. He glanced at Madeleine again. "Even you, Green-Eyes."

"How did you know where to find us?" Madeleine asked tartly, but her eyes were already narrowed suspiciously at Maggie.

"It may be I was already in the area and just happened to drop by," he said offhandedly. "Or it may be that someone told me I might find something of interest here."

"I told Dumbledore to send for you," Peter said proudly.

"Only after I told you to," Maggie reminded him. "You're not going to hurt her, are you, Sir?" she asked Humphries.

"She's not looking at all well," Peter added peering interestedly at the seau.

Madeleine snorted. "You lot are the biggest bunch of pansies I have ever known in all my life. I've had enough. Do whatever you're going to do with that thing, and be done with it. It looks like it might be dead soon, anyway." And with that, she turned and flounced off, back toward the castle.

In fact, Marvola was now curled into a ball on the ground, eyes shut tight. Her face was pale, and had taken on a slightly greenish tinge. Every now and then she would whimper or mutter something unintelligible, but that was all.

"Nah, she's all right," Humphries said. He prodded the seau with his wand. "Seaux need regular doses of sugar to keep them going.(8) This one looks like she hasn't had any in a while. Watch this."

He drew a small bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans from a pocket of his robes and shook it near Marvola's ear. Her eyes popped open and her hand shot up to grab the bag. She sat up and began shoveling the sweets into her mouth without apparently noticing the flavours.

Maggie went slightly green when she saw Marvola pop a fish-flavoured bean and a peppermint one into her mouth at the same time. To distract herself from the spectacle, she turned back to Humphries, who seemed to be securing a forcefield of his own around the oblivious seau.

"What exactly do you do at the Department for the Termination of Useless Characters?" she asked pointedly. "Are you going to kill her? Because if you are, I might as well have left her to Maddy."

"She'll live," he replied curtly. "But she's dangerous. Non-human beings generally are. She'll have to be confined and kept under controlled conditions until she can be 'edited'. She'll be doped up with kanon tonic to control her appearance as well. Mrs Humphries didn't raise any children dippy enough to be fooled by looks."

"Does editing hurt?" asked Maggie, glancing at the seau and then quickly averting her eyes again when the girl poured the last dozen or so beans directly into her mouth and began to chew blissfully.

Humphries furrowed his brow. "It's no ticket to the Quidditch," he admitted. "And it can take a long time. You kids know what a Dementor is? Well, you don't need to hear about that. You won't find 'editing' or 'kanon' in any of your fancy textbooks, either, so don't bother looking."

Maggie and Peter reluctantly agreed to leave the matter in the hands of the Ministry. But before Humphries left with Marvola, he had one more thing to say to them.

"You keep an eye on that friend of yours," he said, inclining his head in the direction in which Madeleine had departed. "She used the Cruciatus curse on this one, didn't she?"

Maggie shrugged, but refused to meet his eyes.

"Well, that's not my department," he continued dismissively. "But I will say this: sometimes, once they try an Unforgivable, they get a taste for it, if you take my meaning. Keep a sharp eye out, and don't be too trusting. You kids understand me?"

Peter turned pale, but Maggie nodded resolutely. "We'll be careful, Sir."

He crooked his finger under her chin, making her look up at him. "You're a good man, sister," he informed her. Then he turned to Peter again. "Look me up next time you're at the Ministry, Pettigrew," he said. "I'll show you around the Department."

Maggie and Peter bade him farewell as he levitated the seau, containment field and all, and headed across the grounds, back towards Hogsmeade. As he disappeared through the school's gates, Maggie sighed wistfully and put a hand to her chin where he had touched her.

"Wow," she said reverently. "I didn't think they made them like that anymore."

* * *

It took Maggie a few days to work up the courage to talk to Madeleine again after everything that had happened in the Forbidden Forest. Finally, she steeled herself and ambushed the older girl in the dungeons between classes.

"Maddy!" she greeted her with as pleasant a smile as she could muster. "Want to get together for a brainstorming session after supper tonight?"

In answer, Madeleine grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the now-empty Potions classroom.

"You think I'm just going to forget what you did, Ravenclaw?" she hissed. "I had things well under control, and you had to go barging in, and drag Peter along with you!"

"I'm sorry," said Maggie. "But I couldn't let you -"

"Let me what? Have a little fun for once? You think anyone would have missed her? You can already see that they don't. They barely even remember she was here, and it hasn't been more than three days!"

"But it's wrong, Maddy," Maggie insisted. "You can't just go _killing_ people who annoy -"

"She wasn't people," Madeleine said coldly. "She was seaux. Maybe now you'll understand why it's so important to keep your blood pure and not go spreading your legs for mudbloods and Muggles."

"Maddy!" cried Maggie, shocked.

But Madeleine was not finished yet. "I'm done with sodding stories," she declared. "Why should I write about sex when I can just have it? I'll tell you this, Magpie Lewis; parchment and ink are no substitute for a good, hard cock between your legs!"

Maggie backed away, hands up in front of her in a gesture of surrender. "I've said I'm sorry, Maddy. I'd kind of hoped we could keep -"

Madeleine laughed. "Not a chance, Ravenclaw. You can write your own pathetic stories from now on. The only way you're ever going to have Remus Lupin is at the tip of your quill and in your pitiful little dreams. He's a bloody queer! Haven't you figured that out yet?"

"You're just trying to hurt me," Maggie said, fighting back tears. "Just because you can't admit how you feel about Peter, and because I saw what you did to Marvola."

Madeleine's wand was in her hand before Maggie could blink. She never heard the word her former friend said, but she felt cold, invisible fingers tighten around her throat. She gasped, but no air came into her lungs.

"Now, you listen here." Madeleine's face was very close to hers. "You'll keep your speculations regarding Peter Pettigrew to yourself. You are never to speak to him or to me again. Ever. Understood?"

Maggie tried to nod. Black spots and bright flashes were beginning to appear at the edges of her vision.

"And as for what may or may not have transpired in the Forbidden Forest around the time of the seau's departure, you are _never_ to speak to anyone about that. Or you'll get the same as she did."

When Maggie came to, she was alone in the Potions classroom.(9)

~ THE END ~

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:**

_1. Always try to use the spells as they are written in the books, or else make up spells that sound like they could be in the books. This is a challenge which any creative person should be thoroughly equal to. Spells that are just English with "-ius" tacked onto the end always sound silly, and spells that are just random gibberish make people roll their eyes, especially when there is a perfectly good canon spell which does the same thing._

_2. It's not good writing if your original character already knows everything about the other characters, including what they will do in the future. Your OC's opinion of someone should be based on what she has observed of that person herself up to that point in the story's timeline. It makes no sense for someone to call teenage Peter a traitor, because he hasn't betrayed anyone yet._

_3. However, just because I suggest that you shouldn't be excessively cruel to Peter doesn't mean you can't having him do nasty things every now and then. After all, most of us do._

_4. Underuse of punctuation can be just as bad as overuse. Punctuation marks (, . ? ! ; :) are not just handy for making emoticons; they help the reader follow the flow of a sentence by telling them where pauses, breaks, and emphasis occur. Quotation marks (") also show the difference between dialogue (when characters are speaking) and narrative (when they're not). If you don't use punctuation, your readers will have to work very hard to figure out what you are trying to say, and making your readers work hard is always a bad idea if you want people to keep reading. If you're not sure when to use which mark, that is okay. You can learn. In the meantime, using the wrong mark is better than using none at all._

_5. The idea of Quidditch-honed muscles is a silly one. How much muscle are you really going to build up, sitting on a broomstick?_

_6. A lot of teenagers make the mistake of thinking that having sex makes someone a slut, and that not having sex is the same thing as having good morals. Having good morals involves respecting people's boundaries and feelings. Getting a guy all worked up and then leave him cold is not something nice people do. It makes you a tease. However, not all sexual behaviour between teens is physically or emotionally risky. As long as you use birth control and respect one another's feelings and boundaries, sex can be a lot of fun, and can bring two people closer._

_7. Be aware of each character's magical abilities. The whole reason children in the Wizarding world attend Hogwarts is to learn to control and strengthen their magic. Having magic does not mean knowing how to use it or being powerful enough to do anything you want. A lot of people have asked why Hermione keeps fixing Harry's glasses and not his eyes. The Wizarding world seems to be organised so that most things are just as complicated to do with magic as without (though some things can be done a lot faster with). I'd no more want Hermione correcting my vision magically than I would want a Muggle teenager performing laser eye surgery on me._

_8. Sugar, like drugs, alcohol, and lack of sleep, may inspire you to write things which seem like really good ideas at the time, but you might want to give them a reread once you are sober and/or well-rested before posting them for a larger audience than your close circle of friends._

_9. A good story does not need to end happily for all, or indeed any, of its characters. As long as the conclusion makes sense and satisfies all the important plotlines of the story, that should be enough._


End file.
